It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world

Stop the insanity.

Another case of mad cow disease - bovine spongiform encephalopathy (BSE) for you scientific types - has been discovered in Canada - this time on a farm on the outskirts of Vancouver.

Canadian Food Inspection Agency (CFIA) officials were initially reluctant to confirm the case as mad cow disease, but the transcript of their interview with the animal reveals the truth of the matter.

TRANSCRIPT OF CFIA-BESSIE INTERVIEW

CFIA: "So, Bessie. We understand you're feeling a little down, lately. What seems to be the trouble?"

COW: "Global warming is nothing more than part of a natural cycle of climate change that the earth goes through. Industrialization has nothing to do with it."

CFIA: "Excuse me?"

COW: "Sorry, I'm a little distracted these days. I'm having a little trouble thinking clearly... Death to America! Death to Israel!"

CFIA: "Um, where is all this hostility coming from?"

COW: "The CIA was behind 911! There's scientific proof! George Bush is just Dick Cheney's pet monkey. Pretty soon, we'll all be slaves to Haliburton.

CFIA: "Bessie, try to focus... on something. Anything."

COW: "Standardized testing and giving grades just foster a needless cycle of cutthroat competition and disappointment. Self-esteem is so much more important for a child's future than how they perform on some stupid test."

CFIA: "Bessie? I'm going to give you something right now to calm you down. You won't feel a thing."

COW: "We can cut taxes and increase spending at the same time just so long as the economy keeps expanding."

CFIA: "Still going strong, eh? Let's try another shot, shall we."

COW: "Smoking is a human right, just like free speech! Why should some be forced to go outside in the cold and rain... Uuuuuhhhh.... Getting sleepy...

CFIA: "That should do it."

COW: "Communism can work! It just wasn't done right..." (THE SOUND OF A HEAVILY-SEDATED COW HITTING THE GROUND IS HEARD)

CFIA: "Poor thing. Someone really ought to have done something about her a long time ago."

END OF TRANSCRIPT

tags: mad cow, angry cows, humor, transcript, Canadian Food Inspection Agency, CFIA